Fear 1,281?

I had an epiphany today (I seem to be having one every other day right now). My shocking realization was that I am very afraid of looking foolish. This epiphany was in relation to two specific areas of my life, but it is also a generalized fear of mine. I try to avoid situations that might make me look foolish. I'm terribly afraid of being mocked and ridiculed and made ridiculous. Looking back at my life, I can see how this fear developed, but I'm not sure that's as important as figuring out where to go from here.

My first question to God was: Is it okay to appear foolish to others? This might seem like a "duh!" question to some of you, but it's a genuine wonderment for me. Is it really okay if I look like a complete idiot to other people?

In preparation for this moment of lucidity today, God had me read I Corinthians 1 last night. Which came back me in direct answer to this question. The entire chapter is good, but I'll stick with verses 27 - 29:

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him."

God's ways are not our ways. And many times they actually appear quite foolish. I mean, who would take the best student of a respected Rabbi, a man who was persecuting and killing Christians, and turn him into one of the most important Christian leaders of the early church? And what kind of fool did that man look like? Can you imagine Paul running into old cronies who knew him as Saul and having to answer questions like "What happened to you man? You used to be so great and wise and now look at you? How can you believe this stuff???"

God also loves to take people who are nobodies and use them in incredible ways. David comes to mind. He's the youngest, the shephard, the kid who is left behind when everyone else goes to war. And God's says: THERE is the king I have appointed for all of Israel!

So, yeah, I'm going to have to let go of the fear of appearing foolish. I think, in some ways, that is going to be extraordinarily freeing. In others, it's going to be scary and crazy difficult!

(Weird side note: 15 posts per month for three months. Huh.)