A Confession: In Need of Courage

The Sunday before last the sermon on Sunday was about the two diciples on the road to Emmaus. Pastor Neil talked about how those disciples desperately needed to hear the news that "Jesus is alive!" and how our world is full of people who need to sit down with Jesus, have their eyes opened, and know that Jesus is alive. (Great sermon, Neil!)

For the past week, as I have interacted with people at work, class, play, and even church, that phrase has continued to resound through my head. The need is everywhere. There is depression and hopelessness. I have actually literally started to see chains and ropes of lies, doubt, and hurt binding people. Sometimes I just want wave my hands in their face and yell "Jesus is alive! There is hope! You don't have to live this way!!!"

When these urges come, however, they are immediately followed by a wave of doubt. Can I say that? Is it appropriate at work? Will I offend them if I suggest that they need God? Will I offend them if I suggest that the belief in God they already have is skewed, incorrect? Are these questions even valid or am I just a coward?!

We live in a culture obsessed with tolerance and not giving offense to others. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Some days my head is a chaotic swirl of urges from the Holy Spirit and fears based on cultural training. Add to that the fear that by ignoring cultural mores, I will actually offend people and turn them off of God. I want them to be healed so very much! What if I yell, "Jesus is alive!" and instead of receiving hope, they decide they never want anything to do with God? What if...

Friends, I think I need a little courage. I think that I need to stop asking "What if?" and instead begin asking, "What if I don't?" What if I don't say something and this person never has anyone come to them with a message of hope? What if I don't and God has been slowly preparing their heart for years and they truly are ready to receive hope right at this very moment?

I have known for a long time now that God's ways are not our ways. But have you ever ready the context of that verse? (See below.) God's ways are ways of mercy and healing and joy. Not fear and hesitation and caring about offending others. What if I actually had the courage to tell people that Jesus is alive and they don't have to live in fear or pain or doubt? Would I see the prophecy of Isaiah 55 fulfilled?

Isaiah 55

"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me,
and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live. I
will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.

See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.

Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."

Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.

Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God,
for he will freely pardon.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the
sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."

Happy Thanksgiving!

So much to be thankful for! I really don't think that I could even write my list out because it's so long. I think that the main thing I'm thankful for this year is that God really, really loves us. He wanted us, He made us, and He wants to help us be the person He designed us to be. He wants to heal us and love us and teach us His truth and who He is. How completely mind-boggling is that?! I can't even fathom how amazing it is!

Shout to the Lord with joy, everyone on earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness.
Come to him with songs of joy.
I want you to realize that the Lord is God.
He made us, and we belong to him.
We are his people.
We are the sheep belonging to his flock.
Give thanks as you enter the gates of his temple.
Give praise as you enter its courtyards.
Give thanks to him and praise his name.
The Lord is good. His faithful love continues forever.
It will last for all time to come.

Becoming a Threat

Over a year ago, I wrote a blog post about how I often feel like I am "left behind" when my friends go off and do cool things with God. I'm the steady one who is always here when others return. I was really struggling with fighting and disliking that part of myself.

A few weeks ago, I read the following paragraph in New Monasticism:

One of the things we've learned from trying to stand in the way of a death-dealing system is that you can't do it alone. It takes a community. Plow Creek Community is a great example of this. If you visited their farm in rural Illinois, about two hours from Chicago, you might think they've fled from the world for a simple life, leaving behind any concerns of international politics. But you wouldn't have to stay long to hear from Jim Fitz and Erin Kindy about their work with Christian Peacemaker teams in Colombia, Chiapas, and the West Bank. Plow Creek operates as a home base, sending them out to do direct-action peacemaking in conflict zones around the world. While they are away, fellow community members pray for them and care for their families. After each tour, they come home to a place of peace and healing, where they tell the stories of what they have seen and heard.

I dog-eared the page and highlighted half the paragraph. I've been thinking about it ever since. "Plow Creek operates as a home base... They come home to a place of peace and healing..."

Growing up in the church, missionaries were held up as the ultimate example of someone following God. Of course, if you weren't called to be a missionary, you should always remember the mission field at home. How did it ever happen that the people who don't go to Africa or Asia or on regular mission trips became somehow less than the people who do? How did being a missionary to our local community become the consolation prize?

It seems to me that everyone is sent. Some people are sent out and some people are sent in. But everyone is sent. Somewhere along the way, I feel like a lie crept in. Some people were sent, and some people stayed. Just a subtle change in the way we talk about it, but really not subtle in the way it plays out in people's lives and hearts. Now if I'm not sent out, then I am remaining. I am left behind. I've completely lost the purpose in my life.

One thing God has shown me about myself is that I am good at making a home. I like to create spaces that are comfortable and relaxing. Where people can come be themselves. I also love to love people. Even difficult people! When I read that paragraph, it was like a light opened up over me. I am sent to the people at home.

I have dreamt of having a "Funny Farm" for a while now. I suddenly realize that maybe that dream is so strong in me because that is why God has created me. Maybe the fact that I am the "steady one" is not a burden, but a gift! Maybe it's a glorious gift that gives me a purpose and a place within the body of Christ. I think that last year I had totally bought into the lie that "staying" was somehow not as spiritual as "leaving." But I'm beginning to understand that I am not "staying," I am meant to build a home base. Without a home base, how can people be sent out? Where will they come from? Where can they go when they need rest and healing?

Figuring out who God is, who we are, and how we are supposed to operate within the body is really everything in life. Satan spends most of his energy trying to confuse us and confound our understanding of those three things. Because once we understand them, we are a threat. I think I am finally starting to understand and get excited about who I am.

Becoming

One day, when I have lots of time on my hands (ha!), I'm going to go back and read my blog from when I first began. I've been writing for over a year now. Sometimes more regularly (go August!) than others. I have an idea that I've probably repeated myself a great deal, but I think that God really works in seasons with me. Perhaps because it takes me a long time to learn something deeply!

The past week or so, I've been thinking a lot about some of my early blogging topics. I was constantly talking about an army of young people, a new revolution, etc. I still very much long to see those things happen. But this week, God has been telling me something a little different.

Despite this blog, and the fact that I am anything but ashamed of God, I don't often talk about God with people I don't know very well. Especially if I'm not sure what their faith is. Last Thursday, I totally had the urge to invite this random guy from the rock gym to Kairos (my church group). And I did!

On Sundays, I have a prayer class. At the end of the teaching, we split up into small groups and pray for each other. It's pretty much always amazing. This week, it was my turn to get prayer. And one of the people praying for me prayed that I would be able to lift up the Shield of Faith which can extinguish all the fiery darts of the enemy (Ephesians 6:16). Yes, please!

On Monday, I had a great conversation with a dear friend in which I identified and confessed a sin in my life and felt like God was telling me that it's time to live in my healing and stop feeling helpless (only He said it much more gently). It was so in keeping with the previous days' theme that I immediately listened up.

I love the song Hosanna. I do dream of a generation, rising to take their place with selfless faith. But I feel like this week, God has been telling me that it's time for me to be the warrior I'm looking for. He told me, "Step up." I feel like He has been preparing me carefully over the last few years, teaching me so much, and now it's time for me to grow up a little. I needed the intense time of being cared for and of learning about myself and the world around me that I have experienced. I still have so much to learn! But Paul said,

It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. - Ephesians 4:11-15

While I would hardly label myself a "mature" Christian, I do think I've grown up a little. I think God wants me to act a little more grown up. He wants me to step into a place of helping others to grow up, too. If I long for any army, then I better be the best soldier I can until reinforcements arrive. Maybe even keep my eyes open for someone else who secretly longs to be a soldier and help them to see God so He can teach them to be a soldier in His army, too.

I'm really afraid of posting this, because I think it may come off as conceited or arrogant. But while I am quite excited by God telling me to step up, I am also completely terrified. I have no idea what it looks like, what it means, or what kind of sacrifice it will require from me. It is very unknown. How can I possibly feel qualified or ready to do something unknown?! Yet, in my weakness, God's power is perfect. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Anyone want to join an army?

Daily Thought #11 - Making God Smile

I have a confession. Last year, I didn't really put much energy into Christmas. Not such a big deal for most of you, but usually I am INTO Christmas. I have boxes of decorations. I didn't touch them. I have a fake tree and a real tree stand. No tree. I bought presents and went to parties and celebrated Christmas on the outside. But inside, I didn't really celebrate it. Maybe I needed a break, I'm not sure. But apparently, to make up for it, I am ready to celebrate early this year. I definitely have already broken out the Christmas carols. Crazy, but true.

This morning, as I was cleaning to the sounds of Christmas carols, one of my least favorite carols of all time came on. The Little Drummer Boy. For those of you who like this song (like my best friend), I apologize. I'm just not a fan. Musically, it leaves a lot to be desired. Lyrically, it leaves a lot to be desired. (Parum-pum-pum-pum? Really?) But as I was listening to it today, I was suddenly struck by the vision of it.

I am a poor boy, too.

I have no gifts to bring

fit to set before a king.

Shall I play my drum for you?

So the little boy plays his drum as best he can and Jesus smiles at him. The gag factor is fairly high (although nothing beats "Christmas Shoes"!). Yet, as I listened to it, honest tears welled up in my eyes. It amazes me how a deep truth can be wrapped up in the imperfect lyrics of a less-than-fantastic song.

The picture is still true. We have no gifts fit to set before a king. We are so poor compared to God! He has everything and we have only ourselves. But our life is our gift for Him. When we live our lives for Him, doing the best we can, He smiles. When our entire goal in life is to honor Him to the best of our limited ability, He receives it. How amazing is that? God could kill any of us in an instant for any number of reasons. He is all-powerful, all-knowing, all-creating. Everything that exists only exists because He created it. Yet, He desires us to come before Him and to play for Him. It brings Him joy and pleasure.

Sometimes I forget that God is so big. Sometimes I like to think that I have some great talent or idea to offer him. In reality, I am more like a not-so-well-written Christmas song. And my offerings have all the lyrical quality of "parum-pum-pum-pum." But when I play my best for Him, He smiles. He is honored. He loves me. What an amazing thought!