Snap Outta It!

I was pondering deeply this morning. Mulling over the rather sad fact that I have been quite self-centered lately. Part of that has simply been that I have had a lot to deal with in my life, but part of it has just been me being self-centered. I was feeling so heavy about this, that I finally took a break from work and went outside. I feel like I've been a bad friend, an ungrateful creation, and just all around selfish. I've watched my friends struggling the past few weeks and I feel like I've had nothing to offer them, because I've been so fixated on my own stuff.

As I was pondering this, I was asking what I'm missing. What have I missed that I have let myself descend this far? And God said, "Joy. The joy of the Lord." It was like a light bulb went on for me in a dark room. I have not felt joyful in a while. I'm not even sure how long. And I feel like as I have been losing joy, I've let the joy go out of some of my relationships. Especially my relationship with God. I'm missing the joy.

I looked up the phrase "joy of the Lord" on BibleGateway (great site!). I know I've heard the phrase a lot before, but imagine my surprise when there was only one result for that exact phrase (in English)! In three different versions! And it came from Nehemiah.

In Ezra-Nehemiah, the book of the Law is rediscovered in Jerusalem. They haven't read the book in hundreds of years. They haven't kept the traditions. When the book is found, Nehemiah sends for all the people and they gather together and listen to the Law being read. All the people listen and begin weeping. They realize that they have failed in carrying out God's commandments. They begin to weep. Then, something surprising happens.

Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who were instructing the people said to them all, "This day is sacred to the LORD your God. Do not mourn or weep." For all the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the Law.

Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

The Levites calmed all the people, saying, "Be still, for this is a sacred day. Do not grieve."

They proclaim a feast and everyone goes out and buys food for himself and his neighbor and they eat and celebrate!

It's so easy to get stuck in a pit, focused on ourselves and our own failings. Or to focus on what we don't have. What we want. What we need. At least, I certainly find it easy to live in the negative! Over and over in the Old Testament, God commands the Israelites to rejoice, to celebrate, even when everything is hard. So today, instead of wallowing like a pig in my own yuck, I have decided to make my prayer the prayer of Habakkuk:

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.