Yearning for Safety

When I have to suffer the consequences of my own sin, it's a bummer, but I know I deserve it. When I have to suffer the consequences of someone else's sin, I kind of get pissed off. Sometimes I'm hurt too badly to even be angry really. Sometimes someone just pulls my heart out and tramples on it.

I know that some of my friends would hardly believe this, but I am actually a really sensitive person. And I have been hurt very deeply by others over the course of my not-very-long life. But I am a killer wall-builder. You should call me in to build your castle, because I can build an amazing set of protective walls. They are deep and strong and can withstand sword and battering ram.

However, God is asking me to tear down some of those walls right now. I know that He only wants me to live in freedom, not bound and restricted and imprisoned by protective walls of my own creation. I have to learn to rely on Him for protection. Oh, that's so hard! I'm not sure I've ever been faced with such a difficult task in my life. I feel so safe in my solitary world of walls. I can still see people outside and interact with them.

I suppose the reality is that I can still be hurt by them too. I have yet to move away to a hermitage, so I am still getting hurt. In reality, my walls don't always protect me from wounds. Sometimes they just prevent others from seeing that they've wounded me.

Even though some of my walls do prevent me from getting hurt, I can't keep building walls forever. I don't know if I can do this, though, reader! I don't know if I can let God tear those walls down and trust that He will be my shield and my shelter and my protection!